In Like a Lion - Out Like a Lamb

March is usually the month of great contrasts. No so this year. Turns out June has been the Lion/Lamb month.

Usually I like June because weddings are concentrated in this month, so everyone is either looking forward or looking back on their wedding. I love that.

I began the month with a trip to the oral surgeon to have a tooth pulled. I've had teeth pulled before and did pretty well with it. But this one was a molar with a crown, so it was quite a bit more challenging. I should have had a clue it would be when the dentist said I had to have the oral surgeon pull it. Then, there were the expenses involved:

• Trip to the dentist for a checkup: $125.00
• Trip back to the dentist for two fillings: $274.00
• Trip to the endodontist to see if the molar was worth saving: $90.00
• Trip to the oral surgeon for the extraction: $110.00

Yuck! But at least it is all done now and my mouth is healing fairly well. (Of course, it has been 4 weeks since the extration!)

My team lead at my part-time job cut my hours drastically that first week in June. I have been working my brains out for a good year now and am missing so much in my personal life. I guess she thought I deserved some time off. But, of no -- not me! I had to go into a depression, crying and looking at transferring to other departments that I don't want to go. Well, I've had two Sundays off in a row now, and let me tell you, it's been pretty nice. I even had the chance to visit my grandbabies! What a treat! And I worked out the problem with my team lead, so things aren't quite so dismal in that department anymore. Throw in a double eye infection in the same week, and you can see why I have had a rotten month.

Then, there is the whole issue with my mother-in-law. She has gone to the emergency room by ambulance 3 times in 2 weeks and received 4 pints of blood and 2 shots to help boost her blood-making abilities. June 13 she was feeling so poorly that we had to sit her commode right next to her lift chair in the living room and put up a ramp in the breezeway. Her daughter came home from Minnesota to be with her for 3 days, and her sister stayed with her a few days before too. But help was running out and she was afraid to stay home alone - her breathing was so poor. Good 'ole Dr. Lamp scheduled a chest and lung x-ray, then she went to see him to order some oxygen. At that appointment she told him she was afraid to be home alone at night and wanted to go the nursing home until she gets better. Arrangements were made, the dog was farmed out, and now she is where she can get good care. She's missing her dog, but she's trying to get stronger so she can go back home.

I never realized how difficult and tramatizing it is to put a loved one in a nursing home. I'm still not sure why, but it was very emotional for all of us, even Craig. We're calming down now that it's been a week, though. And it is so comforting to know mom is where she can get good care (and oxygen).

Craig's cousin from California flew in to see mom last week. She wanted to visit before mom got any worse, so we picked her up from the airport and stayed the weekend at mom's house. It was great to get to know her better, and I think she had a good time. (It's difficult to tell, because she always is so gracious about everything.)

O, by the way, we DO have a wedding in our family this weekend (hence, the lamb part). My husband's niece is finally getting married, and I am so excited about it! It'll be at an outside chapel with a reception and dance indoors. She has two children, so it'll be great to watch them and all the other little ones having a good time. I can't wait! Grandson Brady already told me he is going to hip-hop. LOL!

The other night, as we were drifting off to sleep, I asked Craig if we could buy me a new outfit for the wedding. He said sure, and we went after work the next day. I thought he would forget, but apparently it was important to him, because he mentioned it the next day even though he was busy doing a ton of yard work. Ended up he bought me 1 dress, 2 pairs of slacks, 3 tops, and a pair of sandals. What a wonderful husband!!!

I found a book called Liberty by Garrison Keillor. Never read him before, but I've heard so many people talk about how they like his work. It's a pretty funny book and an easy read. Typical Lake Wobegon stuff.

June isn't ending up half as bad as it started out. I hope yours is much better. Thank you, Lord! Blessings

Red Velvet Cheesecake Factory Recipe: Layered NY Style Cheesecake, Red Velvet Cake & Buttercream Frosting

I'm putting my reservation in early for when we visit LV this summer, and Emilie is busy looking for something to keep her busy and her husband happy. LOL!

Note: This cake takes 2 days to create!

Red Velvet Cheesecake Factory Recipe: Layered NY Style Cheesecake, Red Velvet Cake & Buttercream Frosting

Courage and Honesty

Okay, I broke one of my staunchest rules this week – not once but twice. And I didn’t even realize what I had done until after the second time! What rule is that?

I don’t allow others to yell at me.

I spent 17 years in a rotten marriage being yelled at and listening to my kids being yelled at. Swore I would not go back to that prison ever again. So why did I let it happen this week?

Well, the shouting came from two people – one I don’t like very much but have to spend a lot of time around. The second one was a person I like very much and who is very dear to my heart. So I guess in the interest of harmony, I tried to talk these two situations out and "put out the fires" that were created in the midst of the storm.

The really tough thing about it was that, even though the situation was quieted down, I still went home feeling a lot of anxiety and frustration. But then I was in a defeated mood, which makes Craig feel bad for me, and consequently causes him anxiety. I don’t want him to have to live in a negative atmosphere. So I am trying to work out what happened, why it happened, and how I should work it out differently next time in a more positive manner for myself (and him).

It doesn’t seem right that, in order to keep others happy and our relationships harmonious, we have to sacrifice our own sanity. Maybe it is because I don’t have the courage to speak openly and honestly to others about what they’ve done and how it effects me. Life takes a lot of courage and honesty, that is for sure. Not nearly as much fun as my usual mode of dealing with frustrations – passive/aggressive. That’s not very productive either.

I need to learn to stand up for myself in a kind, productive manner for all concerned. Lord, help me to learn to love others and myself so that I can be brave enough and love others enough to iron out the wrinkles of life in a positive manner.

Tales of Truths (for me at least) Part I

Following are a few "truths" I have discovered about myself over time and most recently.

1. I am basically a primary color person: red, blue, green. Don't give me any pinks, browns, or purples. Aqua maybe.
2. Though I like some variety in life, really artistic people just plain irritate me. Irrelevant details waste time. Just give me the facts, leave out all the unnecessary comments. And don't dress it up to make it look "all pretty." Please.
3. Be your own self. Don't join the crowd because it is the popular thing to do. That is one reason I voted for Ronald Reagan & Sarah Palin and why I root for any team that plays Iowa.
4. It isn't difficult to make people like you. Just remember one or two interesting facts about them and smile a lot.
5. Love can cover a lot of ills. It makes one very patient and kind.
6. Not everybody is looking after your best interests, even if I want to believe they are.
7. It only takes once to get pregnant. (Courtesy of my mother)
8. Leave your problems at home at home, and your problems at work at work. (Also from my mother.)
9. Pain may be God's way of making us more ready for heaven. (My mother-in-law.)
10. Snuggling is a great thing.
11. When you find your attitude going down the tubes, pray, pray, pray.
12. The best way to feel empathy for somebody is to put yourself in their shoes.
13. Some of your best memories of childhood are of the adults who spent time with you. (Great advice for our grandbabies.)
14. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. (one more from my mom.) My first one was a toad (comment by Craig. LOL)
15. Never be too proud to take the blame for something. Even if you are 99% in the right, there is still that 1% to deal with.
16. Forgiveness is one of the most wonderful gifts you can give someone. It benefits both your soul and theirs.
17. When you find it difficult to forgive someone, pray for them.
18. Everything goes better with chocolate.
19. There's clean dirt and there's dirty dirt.
20. Never judge yourself better than someone else. Life (and children) will prove you wrong.
21. Never judge yourself lower than someone else. Jesus believes you are important enough to die for.
22. People will drive way out of their way for good food. For me it's a good tenderloin.
23. It's true that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
24. The sweetest sound in the world is a baby's giggle.
25. Live a frugal lifestyle, but remember that it's only money. People are more important than possessions.
26. Human beings are NOT the center of the universe. Animals deserve to be treated with dignity as well.
27. Dying is not the worst thing that can happen to a Christian.
28. There is something wrong with a world in which athletes make more than the President of the United States.
29. College coaches should never earn more than elementary school teachers.
30. It feels really good to be able to pay your bills and still have money left over for savings and other amenities.
31. There are some things that, once you have them, you can never go back. Things such as self-sticking postage stamps, a remote garage door opener, a DVR, and a littermaid.
32. Some things are just not worth it to buy cheap. You have to just bite the bullet, spend the money, and then forever be grateful that you did.

Like the Morning Fog

I had an especially good time today. I spent the afternoon with my mother-in-law. She went for a check-up at the cancer treatment center, then we stopped at Sonic for a treat, and drove next door to Sam's for some shopping. It's not like anything life shattering happened, but she and I always appreciate the specialness of our time together.

I have several people in my life that I feel like I could never live without. They are husband Craig, my papa Virgil, my daughter Emilie, and my mother-in-law Harmmean. Even the thought of losing them in death one day sends me into a full panic. Yet I know that none of us are on this planet forever, and the day probably will come when at least one of them will leave this earth before I do. I'm pretty certain about why I feel this way about my dad and Craig, and of course Emilie, but my mother-in-law? Well, she and I are very bonded as well.

Granted, Harmmean is a very special person and it is easy to love her. But our bond goes past mother-in-law/daughter-in-law. She is a very dear friend of mine, and when she passes I will miss talking to her on the phone everyday, bossing her around when she doesn't listen to our "expert" medical advice, and spending days together, just like we did today, which we have done many, many times. It is such a blessing to have a dear friend like her in my life.

But I know that, as the days continue on, one day they will be no more. I have found this to be true as I now have seen my Uncle Stan, Aunt Joyce, Uncle Rueben, and Uncle Bob leave us. So tough to believe they are no longer with us anymore. I am praying so hard for my Uncle Don now as well, as he faces some tough medical issues. As I talk about the loss of my aunt and uncles with others, I often hear a lack-luster response like, "It won't get any better either!" Not what I want to hear. :(

Many times in the Bible God talks about the length of our lives. We were never made to be immortal on earth, but are instead like the morning fog that appears for a little while, then is gone. Man is like a mere breath; His days are like a passing shadow. Why is this so difficult for me to face?

I have always said that there are far worse things to happen to a Christian than to die. I believe this totally. I am praying for the strength to remember that, when my loved ones pass from this earth, I will be able to face it by clinging to the promise of the Resurrection as well as the knowledge that we are but visitors on this planet and citizens of heaven. Lord, please hear my plea. Break through my stubborn will and open it to your will in all my life. Even when my tears fall and my heart breaks, which I know will happen.

The Measure of Importance

Last night was the final day of the Olympic games and I watched the last two races with all the vigor of a bored patron of the arts waiting for the final act to begin. Still, I was amazed that anyone could cross-country snow ski for 30 miles! And how exciting it would have been to beat Canada at their own game – ice hockey.

But the ending was anti-climatic and I wondered this morning, is winning the gold medal really such an important feat? Shouldn’t we be happy to just get the silver? And if we would have won the gold medal, so what? Wouldn’t it end up just hanging on the team members’ bureaus catching dust? Perhaps, but perhaps not.

A pastor friend of mine preached these words in a sermon once: “In God’s eyes you are precious and important, not because of what you have done, but because of who you are.” He taught those words to his confirmation classes for years, and I still hear him repeat them from time to time even though he is retired and in his 80s. They are important words to hear and digest for all of us, for they give us a sense of purpose in life.

So why is it, I wonder, so important for us to feel important? What if the only other person to whom we were actually important was God himself? Would that be enough for us? I have to admit that I would feel very lonely and mostly likely a failure. For if we live a life that is devoid of others – their wants, needs, and desires – we are only living for ourselves. Not exactly what God had in mind for us. He created us to be social creatures.

Well, I know I will never be an Olympic athlete, but that is okay. I want to be the kind of person who treats others as though they are important – little human beings for whom Jesus gave his life. It should not matter whether they have won a gold medal, their last album went platinum, or if they just beat the homerun batting record. What if the importance of our life was instead measured by our humility? How great of a servant we are? It should be enough for us to love people just as they are – a child of God.

That is my mission and the goal for my life, and I want it to be my legacy. When I die, I absolutely do NOT want my obituary to read only that, “She was devoted to her family, and loved her children and grandchildren very much.” I do love my family very, very much, but they are very easy to love. No instead, I also want to be remembered as a person who loved even the least of people. Even the worst of the worst: the Dennis Raders and the Roger and James Bentleys of this world are children of God and need to feel important. Not because of what they have accomplished in life, but because of who they are. Tough to do, but I keep working on it.

The Rebel

Today is, by my calculations, the 82nd day in a row that we've had snow on the ground. I think we are still looking our original snowfall that is now covered up by upteen other snows we've had since. And to top it off, the temps have been below zero this week. Average temp in Iowa this time of year is in the 30s. No way we'll come even close this week. So, I am in REBEL MODE. In other words, I am refusing to wear any winter clothing - meaning a hat, gloves, coat, scarf, or boots. Comical how everyone complains about me not wearing a coat, but I just reply that I don't have far to walk outside. They just shutter and say, "Brrrr." Makes me laugh anyway and feel better, even though it does nothing to change the weather. An exercise in futility, I know, but it brightens my day. I can't do anything about the weather, but I can work on my attitude toward it. LOL!